Friday, July 20, 2012

Setbacks and Sidetracks

I just spent over an hour on the phone with our gas and electric company.  I talked to five different people.  And, with a lot of effort, I smiled through the whole thing and stayed pleasant and calm.  A LOT of effort.

While the issue I was dealing with was annoying, it was nothing to the feeling that my time was being wasted.  You see, today is grocery day.  I really wanted to get out the door and home before lunch.  But, now it is 11:47 and I still need to plan my menu and make my list.  So, it looks like lunch is going to have to come first and I'm not going to beat the crowd. 

Although it hasn't been a fun time, I did accomplish something and learn something.  I accomplished getting my bill straightened out (No, I DO NOT owe $509 this month.) and I learned that my electric company's automatic drafting system is not a good idea.  Before you get too indignant on my behalf, the problem wasn't that took out way too much money, but that they didn't take any at all.  Had I not thought to set a cap on how much they could take when I signed up, this would be a whole different conversation in which I didn't manage to stay pleasant and calm the entire time! 

So, even though it seems as if my time was wasted, it was really just sidetracked into something different than I had planned.  Something was still accomplished and something was still learned.  It just wasn't what I had planned to accomplish (And, honestly, what was I going to learn at the grocery store?).

This happens pretty often in my life.  I plan something and those plans get interrupted.  It may be for a short time (like this shopping trip) or forever.  There is often a reason that I just can't see.  I may understand it in the future or I may never understand.   But, no matter what, I know that God is in control.

This is a lesson I've really been struggling with lately.  There is something that I want to happen really badly.  In the recent past I've even made plans for it to happen.  I've made changes to prepare for it to happen.  And I've even worked toward making it happen.  But, it hasn't happened and I'm now in the place where I'm not sure it ever will.  In this case, I haven't remained pleasant and calm.  I've been hurt and angry and miserable.  I've sulked and felt sorry for myself.

This post wasn't supposed to be about that.  When I sat down, it was to write about how, even though things don't always go according to our plans, we still need to trust God (insert Bible verse, smile, and hit "publish").  But, as I started to write that, I realized that I was being a hypocrite!  I really want to trust God.  It is even easy in the little things like a day spent doing one chore when I had planned another.  But, with something big?  It is HARD!  It is something I have been wrestling with for months.  Every time I think I've got it in hand, I find myself longing for this planned (by me) event.  I know God has a great plan.  I know it.  But, sometimes, it is hard to really believe it in my heart.

For now, I guess that means more time in prayer.  More time talking to the Lord every time I notice myself thinking about this desire.  More consistently turning it over to Him and asking that He change my heart.  Because, He is in control.  And He loves me.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 
Jeremiah 29:11

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. 
Isaiah 55:9


*Hit "publish"*

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